I am sitting on a memory foam pad that is covered in comforters for extra padding because this is all that's left in our two bedroom apartment to sit on.
I am feeling a little emotional at the fact that we won't be calling apartment 519 our home anymore. I have loved living here! My heart hurts a little bit knowing that we probably won't be living in this exact apartment ever again. I feel a little sad looking at its bare walls and feeling its lifeless demeanor.
I actually shouldn't be staring but actually doing something about that cleaning checklist.
I think I'm also hurting a little bit about the change of places and activities coming up. I will be taking 15+ online classes in a city that I have never been to, several hundred miles away from my parents, (is separation anxiety still a thing in your 20s?!) and excited as I should be about it I'm still a little scared.
A seriously long 26-hour drive in our 1985 Subaru hatchback without air-conditioning (that might not even matter because it's about to snow in Rexburg. In April) without a radio but somehow it doesn't seem so crazy to drive cross-country in it. We have decided to only bring the essentials: three backpacks total.
This week our plans completely changed and we have to move out by tomorrow morning with no idea as to what we are doing next. We have two options: either heading to Chicago a week earlier than anticipated or heading for Boise until next week and heading to Chicago from there.
Going to Boise would allow us to be with our families before we head out because I'm a baby and always feel a need to see them before leaving. The other part of me wants to just get out there but then that same part wants to curl up in a ball and not have to deal with making a decision.
I think either way we will be a-o.k. We are only gone for 6-weeks!! I want to laugh at my fears and worries when I type that out... 6-weeks... I feel so silly feeling so clouded on whether to see my family before we leave or not. I guess I must love them. Knowing I can't just get in the car and drive four and a half hours to see them makes me feel a little anxious.
At the same time I think it will be a really memorable experience being completely on our own, not that I run home every day (but maybe every chance I get) to my family for any problem we are having, I think it's just the idea of knowing I'm so close.
Maybe when this apartment is clean and clutter free my mind will be too.
On a happier note: I got straight A's this semester! Another one down, three more to go! It's a weird thought that I will be graduating a year from now. What do people do when they graduate and school is over?! Lots of deep thoughts over here.
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